Kaikeyi paced her chamber excitedly. There was so much going
on in her head. Damn that Kooni, for putting all these thoughts in her head.
She was perfectly content and happy for Rama, and at the back of her mind she
knew that he was the rightful ruler of this kingdom. She saw the way the
subjects just adored him, and knew he was born to be a ruler. But then what?
Even a ruler as kind and generous as Rama would toss her out into the street.
Even if she could dazzle him with her soft skin and red lips, he was too caught
up in that darling Sita. What did she have compared to that young, perfect
angel? Nothing. She was getting older by the day, and soon her looks, which was
the only thing she really had, would fade. She was not smart like her sister
Lela, nor was she a talented singer like her younger sister Janika. She had
only been able to marry a king due to her position in the caste and her looks.
She had the king snared in her delicious trap, but that would all change when
Rama took the throne. Kaikeyi sighed. This would not do. She would have to
blackmail the king into making her son Bharatha king. He would never turn her
out, he loved her unconditionally. The king did
owe her two boons. He did not specify when she could collect them, and
frankly that was his fault. He should have been more wise with his promises.
She had lived in finery too long. She refused to be reduced to the handmaiden
of the queen mother. How dare Rama! Had she not helped raise him? Had she not
adored him from the second he was brought into this world? He was probably
plotting her demise at this very moment. I will have to force Dasaratha’s hand.
She knew the outrage this would cause. She was not an idiotic doll, as some
thought. Oh yes, she had heard the rumors that circulate the palace. That she
was nothing more than a sex doll for the king. That she had had to sleep with
him before even the courting had begun to gain his favor. All lies, completely!
Why, she had pushed the king away herself! He was old and she was in love with
another. However, matters of the heart were not for a woman to decide, and she
had accepted her lot in life and grown to love the king dearly. She had gained
the spot of favorite wife, and that was not a spot she was going to relinquish.
She had worked too hard, stayed up too many nights tending to that grandpa, to
gain the position she had. As Kaikeyi continued with this train of thought,
something happened deep in her soul. All the love, all the kindness she had
been showing a mere 45 minutes ago, was devoured by a darkness. An angry, all
consuming darkness. If demons could be born in the earthly world, here would be
Kaikeyi in labor. She convulsed almost, and all the empathy and human emotion
she had felt in her entire life drained out of her. Her face went to stone, her
hands ice cold, and she set her jaw. It was time to face the king.
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Kaikeyi and Dasharatha
Web Source: Wikipedia
Web Source: Wikipedia
Author's Note: I chose to write this from the perspective of Kaikeyi because I think it is fascinating the transformation she went through in this passage. Such a passionate and hateful transformation needed to be elaborated on. The sisters mentioned in this passage were not in the original story.
Sources: Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana
I really enjoyed reading your story! The plot, the setting, and you did an amazing job writing from Kaikeyi's point of view. I love how you added the sister role because the comparison made Kaikeyi's character more unique in my opinion. I also really like the dramatic ending. I was really drawn into your story and the monologue was well written . Good job!:)
ReplyDeleteMarielle, your story about Kaikeyi’s inner thoughts is very revealing. In a small amount of words, you were able to show Kaikeyi’s insecurities, intelligence, and fears. It may sound weird, but by writing this passage from Kaikeyi’s perspective, you actually made me sympathize with her and even like her. It puts an entirely new spin on the story. Instead of Kaikeyi being perceived as heartless, she is shown as someone who is only trying to ensure security for herself, which is a basic human instinct.
ReplyDeleteHi! This is the first story I read for the project commenting assignment and I was really loved your take on this story. When I read the original, I thought that Kaikeyi must have just been terrified for herself and her son to take such a drastic turn from being happy for Rama to plotting to have him exiled. I thought you did a great job really expressing Kaikeyi's thought process, history, and fears as well as her internal conflict. You developed her character so much to show her change between hearing that Rama was to be made king and when her husband found her on the floor in the next section.The only thing I would suggest as a change would just be to break the writing up into smaller paragraphs. While this may seem unimportant, smaller paragraphs help readability a lot. That said, you did a great with the writing and the development of Kaikeyi's character. I look forward to reading more of your stories throughout the semester.
ReplyDeleteMarielle,
ReplyDeleteoverall, I felt that your story had a nice flow to it. It was very true to the way that people think and felt real. I felt that by following her thoughts I was able to feel empathy for her, which can be difficult when dealing with a 'bad' character. So I think that you made the right choice in choosing a monologue style for the story. Just one technical mistake I saw was that the point of view was third person ("she") with the exception of one sentence where you switched to the first person ("I").
I felt as though the character development of Kaikeyi was slightly contradicting. At one point, she seems to be bitter about how she came to be married to the king, and then the next she is accepting and happy about it. So the read is unsure of how to really feel about her as character. By the end of it, I found her to be unlikeable, even with the background information - was this your intention? Perhaps you were unsure of where to go with her character and that's why it came off that way. I would suggest deciding how you want her to be portrayed and go from there!
Even though no setting was specifically given, I pictured her being in her bedroom, pacing back and forth late into the night, trying to decide what to do. I think that giving a specific location and setting would also help the reader create a better picture of her. That way you can use the setting as a way to mirror who she is. If you want her to be the antagonist, she could be wearing dark clothing in a dark setting, and the opposite if you want to be the protagonist.
We did the same story! I liked how you captured Kaikeyi mood change due to Kooni's paranoia. I thought it was interesting how Kaikeyi thought that Rama would just throw her away after seeing how highly he regarded her as his second mother. Kaikeyi allowed someone else to put fear into her thoughts when Dasaratha knew that Rama was the best fit because he would take care of everything he loved so much, including Kaikeyi and the entire kingdom.
ReplyDeleteOh wow wow wow, I really like this!! The story is so descriptive and very interesting how you used it in Kaikeyi's perspective. What interested me is that although her mood changed in a short amount of time from happiness to darkness, you described it in a way that was consistent enough to make us realize her mood change. Honestly, this is probably one of the best writings I came across so far. Maybe just breaking it up into smaller paragraphs but I mean overall, it was really good. I can literally feel the pain she is going through, and the way you described her emotions in her head, it was just.... wow haha. I think I am just blown away by your writing skills. All I can say is wonderful job!! I mean the ending was also descriptive and unique. "Her face went to stone, her hands ice cold, and she set her jaw. It was time to face the king." Very Very good!!
ReplyDelete