The first thing that I noticed on your Sotrybook site was that your introduction link falls after the link for your first story, so you may want to change that to make it easier to navigate. After reading what you have so far, I really like it. I love how you chose to take on the role of empowering the women of Indian Epics.
When looking at your introduction, the first thing that I saw that needed to be changed, was that your paragraph spacing is not the same going from paragraphs one to two as it is from two to three. Also, it may just be me, but I find the font to be a little distracting. I thought your introduction was great though, especially when the speaker goes off on those small tangents.
For your first story the visual aspects look better since you are using a different font. One thing that caught my eye was that Sita does in fact speak in length. I believe that when you start a new paragraph while someone is still speaking, you are supposed to begin that paragraph with a quotation mark to clarify that they are in fact still speaking.
Marielle, First things first, I like your storybook cover page. The space and stars give it a cool majestic look to it. The picture that you chose for the page fits perfectly with the title of the page. “A place for any goddess to come and find friends and relief.” Seems like your storybook is going to take place at some type of resort. Can’t wait to read about it.
Great intro to your website. First think you should note is that you can change the order in which you would like your side labels to be displayed. Right now, you have it to where it shows your cover page, then your story, and lastly your intro. You should consider switching the first story and the welcome page around just to make it easier for the reader to find. Anyways, I think that you did a great job with the intro. You clearly explained the setting and main storyteller. The Intro transitions nicely into the first story.
Hi Marielle, I know that we haven’t been in a group for a long time, but I just wanted to say that your story from Week 2 Kaikeyi’s Monologue is one of the best stories that I have read in the class so far. I felt like you really captured her fears and even made her relatable and likable. Something like that is really hard to do, and to be honest, I’m jealous of your writing skills.
I really like your coverpage, and the "invitation" gives your image much more significance. I wonder how it is for a guy to read your storybook, but you did well in connecting with your female audience! Your host is very welcoming, and as I read the text it's like I'm actually being admitted to the resort! I like how you started your tale with Sita, since we have just finished our second version of the Ramayana, and learning about her in two different ways. I have also not heard of the other two characters, so I am excited to come back and see what their stories have in store.
One thing that I would like to note about your first story is that your image isn't showing up for me. Sometimes, if the image won't cross over, the picture will look like a little broken icon, but when I pull your page up on a desktop there is just this huge space. I'll definitely have to come back later to see them and how they tie into your story! A lot you have to say, or made Sita say, about how she was treated throughout the Ramayana and how she is unappreciated by Rama has given ME a sense of resolution. I am happy that someone other than myself has addressed this topic. I love the fact that you did it in the form of your storybook, great job so far! I can't wait to come back to read more.
Marielle, I really like the cover page of your storybook. The background makes it look so much cooler. I wish this place was real and I could go visit it. The picture fits perfectly with the subtitle. To me, the holding hand depicts that you’re taken good care of. The introduction flows really well. I love the dialogues of Durga. The paragraphs are formatted in the most organized way. And, I did not find any grammatical errors. You’re an amazing writer! I laughed at the part where Durga disses on Vishnu’s sense of style. “A conch shell is so second yuga.” I love how the story has a good balance of both seriousness and laughter, especially in Durga’s character. The ending of the introduction was perfect. They’re walking towards their first session. I can’t wait to read more to find out who the person is with Durga as well as who the other members are and what their worries are. Great work!
Wow your introduction really drew me in! I wish there would have been a little more info on Devi from the beginning. I kept wanting more but was confused as to why I staying at this house for therapy. I did enjoy that she was super welcoming and a total nurturer from the get go. It was like visiting grandmas house and her asking if you had eaten. Then making you food anyways. Sitas tail was exquisite. I liked that you started with her upbringing. Her account of the events brought a new side to the story. The photos you chose brought interest and a visual for the story. I just wish they were placed on the page differently. One being vertical and one being horizontal yet touching leaves odd spacing on the page maybe separating them could help. Even one above the other would change this. Otherwise great start on your storybook!
Marielle, I love, love, love your introduction! You've got me hooked and can count on me to be reading the rest of your storybook. I think the topic for your storybook is great. Your description of the true Vishnu was quite entertaining.
Your story from Sita's perspective was great as well. I like that she identifies as Earth's daughter, instead of as Rama's wife. Quite honestly, I never thought he deserved her. And after the manner in which he sent her away in Buck's version, I thought he was such a coward and perhaps Ravana really would have treated her better in the end. The spacing and sentence structure is good and makes the story flow very well. Your images are perfect too. My favorite so far is the image on your cover page. The hands really signify the topic of your storybook. You have done a fantastic job so far and I look forward to reading more.
Marielle, I am going to be commenting on your Introduction. Your Storybook looks great. It is easy to read and to maneuver. The background looks great and so does the picture. I love that you chose to have a women helping women story. I love that you decided to tell this story from group sessions that will probably be emotional. I’m so happy that someone decided to tell a story like this. Overall, I think that your Introduction did a great job at setting up the Storybook and explaining to us what will be happening and what to expect.
I also like that you gave Druga a personality by finding faults with Vishnu. Furthermore, this little section was also funny, which I’m sure relieves tension. For this reason, I’m sure that she will use her humor to relieve situations within the sessions. Overall, I didn’t see any grammar mistakes and I think that you did an awesome job.
I should start off by mentioning that I will be writing this as I read. I enjoyed how you started off the introduction with a calming mother-like figure. If this were an actual community group, I think that someone much like the person who you described would be in charge of it. Interesting, we’re going to get the chance to hear Sita speak about her life that isn’t included in the Ramayana! I’m excited to read what you’ve come up with. I think that it is so fitting that in a support group Sita would describe how she felt after being ‘won’ by a suitor. Again, including Sita’s inner thoughts on how the story unfolded is great. Her attitude and opinion wasn’t something discussed much in the Ramayana. I think including this aspect of her, since she was a main character, would make the overall story that much better.
Hi Marielle, I am commenting on Sita’s Tale this week. First of all, I think you did a great job. I can’t see any grammar mistakes. Within this story, I think that you did a great job at retelling Sita’s story within such a short amount of words. I completely felt so bad for Sita, and I think that you did a great job as showing her from being completely devoted to a man for many years to a woman who finally has taken control of your life. I’m so happy that someone has written a story that gives Sita a voice in opposition of Rama. The entire semester, I have been so annoyed that Sita has been constantly portrayed to hang on every word and action of Rama. I really appreciate that you chose to write this story, and I look forward to seeing and reading next week’s story.
Marielle, I am mainly going to be commenting on the story of Sita. First off though, I would like to say that over all I like your storybook's appearance. It is very simple and easy to navigate. With regards to the story I believe you chose a very interesting element of the story to talk about. For what seems to be the entirety of the semester we have simply learned of Sita with regards to Rama. We never really seem to hear her voice away from Rama. To be able to see Sita finally have her on voice was nice. It was the first time I feel like we got to see her on a personal level that was not part of Rama's character development. I believe it is important for every character to have an exact identity in a story, but Sita has always seemed to just be part of Rama's identity. Very good job and cannot wait to read more.
Marielle, I really liked the overall look of your storybook. Easy to read and good images. I really liked that you wrote from Sita's character as her versus how she is depicted in the Ramayana. That was very interesting and I completely enjoyed the retelling of Sita's story in her perspective. I liked that you illustrated Sita as her own person. Much of what we have read is Sita being in Rama's shadow and always having to win him over, so I appreciated your point of view. Overall, I did not find any grammar mistakes. Everything looks really great so far! Good job!
Marielle, I thought this was such a great concept! I love how you introduced the story on the introduction and then went deeper into what the storybook would be about. I am all about strong, independent women, so I thought this was such a great idea for a storybook! I like that in the introduction you had Durga be so welcoming and honest, which is a great thing for people to have in such a situation. I thought it was also really great that you had Durga talking as if she were talking to the audience, welcoming us in to hear these stories. Also, what a beautiful picture with vibrant colors! Good choice.
I love how you had Sita telling her story from her point of view--and I love that you made her into such a strong, powerful and independent character. The character development that you made for Sita while she told her story was great, and made me want to be friends with her! I think you told the story beautifully and made a sad story be really inspiring. So great job with that! I love that you made her develop her own identity, and not just be part of Rama's. So great job! I am really looking forward to reading more from you!
Your blog is also one of my favorites based on design and layout. I love that you used a pastel green instead of something bright and hard to look at. The rest of the page is white it gives it an open airy feel. Also the labels/tabs being at the top make the pages super easy to navigate. Great job!
I really liked that you had all of your links at the top of your blog, but kept the links at the side of your blog condensed (looks like it’s the most common links a browser would use with the most up-to-date week). Also, the mint green touch is nice! You kept it simple which makes your blog friendly for users.
Marielle, I really like the concept of the Goddess safe Haven. I think that it is a really good idea about having a place where the Goddesses can go and lean on each other for help during times of need. I think that is good for even the real world. Everyone need friends, family, and people that they can go to when times get rough. I think that the meetings were a really neat idea because that is a great time for the Goddesses to get away from the real world and get away from the week and recharge and to not only tell what is going on in their own lives but listen to what is going on in the other Goddesses lives. I really liked how you made the Goddesses feel like the meeting are like a home for the Goddesses to share anything and everything. I really loved your story I thought it was a really neat idea.
I am already a fan of the concept you chose for your storybook project.I am commenting on you story as the third person for our project commenting assignment. I've read and commented on the introduction and Sita's Tale - it was wonderfully written. I read Draupadi's Tale today. I did not notice any grammatical or spelling errors. The story is easy to comprehend and portrays an accurate character of Draupadi. Draupadi has gone through so much her life. You did a good job at depicting her outspoken personality. I've always wondered how she must've felt when her husband stood there without saying a word when she was being dragged by her hair. If I was in her place, I would have left them right away.
Overall, this was a well structured story and I enjoyed it a lot.
I love the consistency of your writing style throughout your storybook! You did a great job on Draupadi’s tale. You captured her personality perfectly. Plus the picture you chose really brings everything together. Also your author’s note is on point! I hadn’t really noticed those things till I read your note. It’s so true they are considered possessions. I also agree on the whole part about embarrassing each other! Which is a totally spiteful and unnecessary evil on many levels. I’d say something are meant to be handled in private but would it have been worse in that case? Anyways I still love the layout and look of your storybook, it is very inviting and even has a relaxing vibe. I still kind of wish you wouldn’t save the photo for last. If it were at the top or middle it would give visual interest while I was part of the story. If that even makes sense.
The first thing that I noticed on your Sotrybook site was that your introduction link falls after the link for your first story, so you may want to change that to make it easier to navigate. After reading what you have so far, I really like it. I love how you chose to take on the role of empowering the women of Indian Epics.
ReplyDeleteWhen looking at your introduction, the first thing that I saw that needed to be changed, was that your paragraph spacing is not the same going from paragraphs one to two as it is from two to three. Also, it may just be me, but I find the font to be a little distracting. I thought your introduction was great though, especially when the speaker goes off on those small tangents.
For your first story the visual aspects look better since you are using a different font. One thing that caught my eye was that Sita does in fact speak in length. I believe that when you start a new paragraph while someone is still speaking, you are supposed to begin that paragraph with a quotation mark to clarify that they are in fact still speaking.
Good job so far!
ReplyDeleteMarielle, First things first, I like your storybook cover page. The space and stars give it a cool majestic look to it. The picture that you chose for the page fits perfectly with the title of the page. “A place for any goddess to come and find friends and relief.” Seems like your storybook is going to take place at some type of resort. Can’t wait to read about it.
Great intro to your website. First think you should note is that you can change the order in which you would like your side labels to be displayed. Right now, you have it to where it shows your cover page, then your story, and lastly your intro. You should consider switching the first story and the welcome page around just to make it easier for the reader to find. Anyways, I think that you did a great job with the intro. You clearly explained the setting and main storyteller. The Intro transitions nicely into the first story.
Hi Marielle, I know that we haven’t been in a group for a long time, but I just wanted to say that your story from Week 2 Kaikeyi’s Monologue is one of the best stories that I have read in the class so far. I felt like you really captured her fears and even made her relatable and likable. Something like that is really hard to do, and to be honest, I’m jealous of your writing skills.
ReplyDeleteMarielle,
ReplyDeleteI really like your coverpage, and the "invitation" gives your image much more significance. I wonder how it is for a guy to read your storybook, but you did well in connecting with your female audience! Your host is very welcoming, and as I read the text it's like I'm actually being admitted to the resort! I like how you started your tale with Sita, since we have just finished our second version of the Ramayana, and learning about her in two different ways. I have also not heard of the other two characters, so I am excited to come back and see what their stories have in store.
One thing that I would like to note about your first story is that your image isn't showing up for me. Sometimes, if the image won't cross over, the picture will look like a little broken icon, but when I pull your page up on a desktop there is just this huge space. I'll definitely have to come back later to see them and how they tie into your story! A lot you have to say, or made Sita say, about how she was treated throughout the Ramayana and how she is unappreciated by Rama has given ME a sense of resolution. I am happy that someone other than myself has addressed this topic. I love the fact that you did it in the form of your storybook, great job so far! I can't wait to come back to read more.
Marielle,
ReplyDeleteI really like the cover page of your storybook. The background makes it look so much cooler. I wish this place was real and I could go visit it. The picture fits perfectly with the subtitle. To me, the holding hand depicts that you’re taken good care of.
The introduction flows really well. I love the dialogues of Durga. The paragraphs are formatted in the most organized way. And, I did not find any grammatical errors. You’re an amazing writer!
I laughed at the part where Durga disses on Vishnu’s sense of style. “A conch shell is so second yuga.” I love how the story has a good balance of both seriousness and laughter, especially in Durga’s character. The ending of the introduction was perfect. They’re walking towards their first session. I can’t wait to read more to find out who the person is with Durga as well as who the other members are and what their worries are.
Great work!
Wow your introduction really drew me in! I wish there would have been a little more info on Devi from the beginning. I kept wanting more but was confused as to why I staying at this house for therapy. I did enjoy that she was super welcoming and a total nurturer from the get go. It was like visiting grandmas house and her asking if you had eaten. Then making you food anyways. Sitas tail was exquisite. I liked that you started with her upbringing. Her account of the events brought a new side to the story. The photos you chose brought interest and a visual for the story. I just wish they were placed on the page differently. One being vertical and one being horizontal yet touching leaves odd spacing on the page maybe separating them could help. Even one above the other would change this. Otherwise great start on your storybook!
ReplyDeleteMarielle,
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love your introduction! You've got me hooked and can count on me to be reading the rest of your storybook. I think the topic for your storybook is great. Your description of the true Vishnu was quite entertaining.
Your story from Sita's perspective was great as well. I like that she identifies as Earth's daughter, instead of as Rama's wife. Quite honestly, I never thought he deserved her. And after the manner in which he sent her away in Buck's version, I thought he was such a coward and perhaps Ravana really would have treated her better in the end. The spacing and sentence structure is good and makes the story flow very well. Your images are perfect too. My favorite so far is the image on your cover page. The hands really signify the topic of your storybook. You have done a fantastic job so far and I look forward to reading more.
Marielle, I am going to be commenting on your Introduction. Your Storybook looks great. It is easy to read and to maneuver. The background looks great and so does the picture. I love that you chose to have a women helping women story. I love that you decided to tell this story from group sessions that will probably be emotional. I’m so happy that someone decided to tell a story like this. Overall, I think that your Introduction did a great job at setting up the Storybook and explaining to us what will be happening and what to expect.
ReplyDeleteI also like that you gave Druga a personality by finding faults with Vishnu. Furthermore, this little section was also funny, which I’m sure relieves tension. For this reason, I’m sure that she will use her humor to relieve situations within the sessions. Overall, I didn’t see any grammar mistakes and I think that you did an awesome job.
Marielle,
ReplyDeleteI should start off by mentioning that I will be writing this as I read. I enjoyed how you started off the introduction with a calming mother-like figure. If this were an actual community group, I think that someone much like the person who you described would be in charge of it. Interesting, we’re going to get the chance to hear Sita speak about her life that isn’t included in the Ramayana! I’m excited to read what you’ve come up with. I think that it is so fitting that in a support group Sita would describe how she felt after being ‘won’ by a suitor. Again, including Sita’s inner thoughts on how the story unfolded is great. Her attitude and opinion wasn’t something discussed much in the Ramayana. I think including this aspect of her, since she was a main character, would make the overall story that much better.
Hi Marielle, I am commenting on Sita’s Tale this week. First of all, I think you did a great job. I can’t see any grammar mistakes. Within this story, I think that you did a great job at retelling Sita’s story within such a short amount of words. I completely felt so bad for Sita, and I think that you did a great job as showing her from being completely devoted to a man for many years to a woman who finally has taken control of your life. I’m so happy that someone has written a story that gives Sita a voice in opposition of Rama. The entire semester, I have been so annoyed that Sita has been constantly portrayed to hang on every word and action of Rama. I really appreciate that you chose to write this story, and I look forward to seeing and reading next week’s story.
ReplyDeleteMarielle, I am mainly going to be commenting on the story of Sita. First off though, I would like to say that over all I like your storybook's appearance. It is very simple and easy to navigate. With regards to the story I believe you chose a very interesting element of the story to talk about. For what seems to be the entirety of the semester we have simply learned of Sita with regards to Rama. We never really seem to hear her voice away from Rama. To be able to see Sita finally have her on voice was nice. It was the first time I feel like we got to see her on a personal level that was not part of Rama's character development. I believe it is important for every character to have an exact identity in a story, but Sita has always seemed to just be part of Rama's identity. Very good job and cannot wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteMarielle, I really liked the overall look of your storybook. Easy to read and good images. I really liked that you wrote from Sita's character as her versus how she is depicted in the Ramayana. That was very interesting and I completely enjoyed the retelling of Sita's story in her perspective. I liked that you illustrated Sita as her own person. Much of what we have read is Sita being in Rama's shadow and always having to win him over, so I appreciated your point of view. Overall, I did not find any grammar mistakes. Everything looks really great so far! Good job!
ReplyDeleteMarielle, I thought this was such a great concept! I love how you introduced the story on the introduction and then went deeper into what the storybook would be about. I am all about strong, independent women, so I thought this was such a great idea for a storybook! I like that in the introduction you had Durga be so welcoming and honest, which is a great thing for people to have in such a situation. I thought it was also really great that you had Durga talking as if she were talking to the audience, welcoming us in to hear these stories. Also, what a beautiful picture with vibrant colors! Good choice.
ReplyDeleteI love how you had Sita telling her story from her point of view--and I love that you made her into such a strong, powerful and independent character. The character development that you made for Sita while she told her story was great, and made me want to be friends with her! I think you told the story beautifully and made a sad story be really inspiring. So great job with that! I love that you made her develop her own identity, and not just be part of Rama's. So great job! I am really looking forward to reading more from you!
Your blog is also one of my favorites based on design and layout. I love that you used a pastel green instead of something bright and hard to look at. The rest of the page is white it gives it an open airy feel. Also the labels/tabs being at the top make the pages super easy to navigate. Great job!
ReplyDeleteMarielle,
ReplyDeleteI really liked that you had all of your links at the top of your blog, but kept the links at the side of your blog condensed (looks like it’s the most common links a browser would use with the most up-to-date week). Also, the mint green touch is nice! You kept it simple which makes your blog friendly for users.
Marielle, I really like the concept of the Goddess safe Haven. I think that it is a really good idea about having a place where the Goddesses can go and lean on each other for help during times of need. I think that is good for even the real world. Everyone need friends, family, and people that they can go to when times get rough. I think that the meetings were a really neat idea because that is a great time for the Goddesses to get away from the real world and get away from the week and recharge and to not only tell what is going on in their own lives but listen to what is going on in the other Goddesses lives. I really liked how you made the Goddesses feel like the meeting are like a home for the Goddesses to share anything and everything. I really loved your story I thought it was a really neat idea.
ReplyDeleteMarielle,
ReplyDeleteI am already a fan of the concept you chose for your storybook project.I am commenting on you story as the third person for our project commenting assignment. I've read and commented on the introduction and Sita's Tale - it was wonderfully written.
I read Draupadi's Tale today. I did not notice any grammatical or spelling errors. The story is easy to comprehend and portrays an accurate character of Draupadi. Draupadi has gone through so much her life. You did a good job at depicting her outspoken personality.
I've always wondered how she must've felt when her husband stood there without saying a word when she was being dragged by her hair. If I was in her place, I would have left them right away.
Overall, this was a well structured story and I enjoyed it a lot.
I love the consistency of your writing style throughout your storybook! You did a great job on Draupadi’s tale. You captured her personality perfectly. Plus the picture you chose really brings everything together. Also your author’s note is on point! I hadn’t really noticed those things till I read your note. It’s so true they are considered possessions. I also agree on the whole part about embarrassing each other! Which is a totally spiteful and unnecessary evil on many levels. I’d say something are meant to be handled in private but would it have been worse in that case? Anyways I still love the layout and look of your storybook, it is very inviting and even has a relaxing vibe. I still kind of wish you wouldn’t save the photo for last. If it were at the top or middle it would give visual interest while I was part of the story. If that even makes sense.
ReplyDelete